A couple of days ago I wrote a flashback post about Young Talent Time's Natalie Miller. Since then I've spent a lot of time watching old clips on Youtube and stumbled across one of the show's finest moments. Watch in awe as Natalie belts out an amazing rendition of Limahl's "Neverending Story", while riding a magic carpet around Australia with Dannii (and Greg) in tow. This shit is almost too fabulous for words. Natalie's performance is adorable and the zero budget special effects will leave you stunned and amazed. However, it's left to Dannii to steal the show. Her finger point at 0:25 minutes cracks me up every time and the bored look on her face is priceless. She should have been grateful. If nothing else, taking a back seat to Natalie for a couple of minutes stood her in good stead for spending the rest of her career in Kylie's shadow. Enjoy one of the true highlights of Australian television!
The stars have finally aligned for Ness Ness. She's driving her lesbian fanbase wild with a sexy new look, recently celebrated her first #1 hit and, most importantly, finally delivered the brilliant album she's been threatening to unleash since her debut way back in 2000. "Hazardous" really takes things to the next level. It blends the soulful elements of "Somewhere In The Real World" with a more contemporary pop sensibility (courtesy of Swedish producers MachoPsycho) to stunning effect. To be honest, it's a familiar formula. Dr Luke and Max Martin perfected the power pop/rock genre working with the likes of P!nk, Katy Perry and Kelly Clarkson but this is one of the rare examples of someone jumping on a bandwagon and accidentally finding their true calling. Kind of like when Dannii stopped pretending to be Janet Jackson in the mid 90s and went on to revolutionise popular music as we know it. Despite undeniable similarities with the aforementioned divas, "Hazardous" still sounds fresh and original - largely due to Vanessa's powerhouse vocals, endearing sense of humour and quirky lyrics. After all, this is an album that features songs about masturbation, dating drug addicts and extraterrestrials! Ness Ness takes to her new genre like a slut to cock and the result is my favourite album of 2009 (thus far). Here's my track by track review:
This Is Who I Am - 10/10
I think I've alreadywritten enoughabout the album's cracking lead single. Several hundred listens on and I still not sick of it. Just remember to close your eyes and pretendthe hideous videois bad dream. Vanessa's recent #1 hit is a definite contender for my single of the year.
Mr Mysterious - 8/10
Just between you and me, I think MachoPsycho stole the bassline and crunchy guitars from P!nk but I'm willing to turn a blind eye given the overall quality of their production. I love the vocal layering and subtle hooks, not to mention the electronic flourishes and catchy "woah woahs". This is the perfect sound palette for Vanessa's effortless rock chick twang and she vamps it up for all she's worth. My only criticism is Seany B's (best known forTV ROCK's "Flaunt It") pointless rap. It's desperate and more than a little embarrassing.
Holiday - 8/10
Now, this is an unexpectedly camp delight. Vanessa's Swedish producers show their versatility by concocting a breezy summer party jam. The track automatically makes me think of Dannii sunning her baps in Ibiza but knowing Ness Ness it's probably about spending a weekend at the Coffs Harbour Motor Inn. Anyway, "Holiday" is perfect radio fodder for the warmer months and I get tingles in unexpected places when Vanessa moans "we all have needs". High quality filler.
Hazardous - 10/10
The album's first non-MachoPsycho produced unexpectedly turns out to be one of the highlights. "Hazardous" closely follows the Max Martin/Dr Luke recipe of synth driven pop/rock with a guitar heavy chorus and electro-tinged verses. It's been done before but why fuck with a winning formula? What makes this considerably better than many of the songs it's so clearly modelled on is the strength of the songwriting and Vanessa's amazing vocal delivery. Moving from soft and wistful in the verses to smoky and explosive in the chorus - "Hazardous" showcases one of the best voices in music. Off On My Kiss - 7/10
Ness gets a bit sexy on this one but it's perhaps the album's least appealing moment. The song has an insistent beat and the chorus is cute but "Off On My Kiss" suffers from over-production. Making Vanessa sound computer generated should constitute some kind of crime but it's hard to be annoyed when you're happily humming along with inane lyrics like "I'll get you off on my kiss".
Show Me How To Love - 7/10
If I have one major criticism of "Hazardous" it would be that the second half is considerably stronger than the first. The first time I heard the album I was starting to lose a bit of enthusiasm at this point. Fans of "Somewhere In The Real World" will devour "Show Me How To Love" but I could do without the flashback. Co-written with frequent collaborator Pam Reswick, the track re-visits the soulful ground covered on Vanessa's last album. It's nice to hear a ballad that Ness can get her teeth stuck into after so many uptempo tracks but this is no "Perfect". Pleasant but slightly boring.
Aliens And UFOs - 8/10
Vanessa's ode to the supernatural gives me the giggles. Poor Ness has clearly spent too many nights smoking pot and watching X Files but, really, who hasn't? I like the song's slightly rockier feel and MachoPsycho add their usual polish to the production. The highlight for me is the catchy chorus, with the quirky spoken interlude about Vanessa's super powers coming a close second. This is basically a hot mess but I love that Ness has mixed it up and tried new things. MachoPsycho have really helped absolutely everybody's favourite diva express her more eccentric side.
Summer Nights - 9/10
When I saw "Summer Nights" on the tracklist I secretly hoped it was an Olivia Newton-John cover because I'm really that sad. As it turns out, it's not but Vanessa's nostalgic tour de force is almost as good. I love the breezy mid-tempo production and the naive lyrics, which cover everything from sleepless summer nights to politically incorrect lollies. Speaking of the latter, I still remember buying those chocolate cigarettes from our school canteen! There's just something sweet and quintessentially Australian about this track. "Summer Nights" doesn't scream hit but it's a little gem all the same.
Touch Me - 10/10
This is the dirtiest Australian pop song since Dannii explored the weird and wonderful world of sitting on speakers (*cough*) on "Vibe On"! Needless to say, "Touch Me" is all kinds of fabulous. What did those dodgy Swedes slip our Ness before she sat down to write stunning lyrics about masturbation and getting horny "from the vibrations off the floor"? I demand an inquest. Poetic lyrics aside, "Touch Me" also boasts the kind of slinky beats and throbbing baseline usually only associated with urban pop stars. In fact, this masterpiece reminds me of the filth Prince used to write for Sheena Easton in the 80s. Put "Touch Me" in your sexy times playlist between "Sugar Walls" and La Toya's "Sexual Feeling". I dare Universal to release this as a single.
Baby's On Ice - 10/10
From masturbation to hard drugs, Vanessa is clearly on a roll. The first time I heard this I thought it was just another cheerful love song until I started paying a bit more attention to the lyrics. Lines like "he always comes back with his lips all chewed and cracked" and "if the sun don't shine that day that's even more reason to get hazed" are fairly subtle but Ness makes it clear she's singing about the joys of romancing a junkie with "he's not a bad person, he's just a little messed up". Songs about drugs aren't exactly rare but I can't remember one this chirpy. My favourite part is when the backing singers merrily break into "he's on ice, ice baby"! Wonderfully tasteless and politically incorrect.
Sleep With That - 7/10
You can basically copy and paste everything I wrote about "Off On My Kiss" for this song. It's a fairly appealing fuck you to a cheating boyfriend but the production is overbearing and Vanessa appears to have forgotten to write a chorus. "Sleep With That" isn't bad by any means, it just suffers by comparison with the rest of the album.
Higher Ground - 9/10
Pam Reswick makes a second appearance on the album but unlike "Show Me How To Love", this doesn't sound like a reject from "Somewhere In The Real World". While not reaching the glorious heights of "Shine" or "Perfect", "Higher Ground" still ranks as one of Vanessa's finest ballads and I wouldn't be surprised if it's a (very safe) single somewhere down the track. The song is beautifully constructed and Ness sounds amazing on it. She really lets loose and shows off her full range. "Higher Ground" is a reminder that while Vanessa can take P!nk and Katy Perry on at their own game, neither of them could pull off something like this.
Blow Me Away - 10/10
Co-written by Steve Diamond and Matthew Gerrard (Dulta's "Lost Without You" and Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway"), "Blow Me Away" is another perfectly crafted power pop anthem. Crunchy guitars blend effortlessly with pounding beats and the odd synth to produce one of the album's standout tracks. I'm a sucker for a catchy chorus and this baby is utterly ruthless. One listen and you're hooked. "Blow Me Away" has hit written all over it but I'd still prefer Universal to go with the title track or "Touch Me" (if they're feeling ballsy) next. The second half of "Hazardous" really is quite outstanding.
Snitch - 7.5/10
What a bizarre way to close the album. This languid jam has a soulful edge that wouldn't sound out of place on "Somewhere In The Real World" but the playful lyrics and experimental production are right at home on "Hazardous". I didn't know what to make of this the first time I heard it - particularly Vince Colosimo's bizarre contribution - but it's strangely catchy and a total grower. "Snitch" is also another example of the winning eccentricity that permeates the album, which is part of what makes it so special.
As far as I'm concerned Young Talent Time is the greatest show in the history of Australian television. Running for 17 years between 1971 and 1988, YTT helped launch the careers of several international superstars and became an integral part of many people's childhood including my own. I've written about the show's biggest stars (the legendary Tina Arena and the Queen of Clubs herself, Dannii Minogue) many times but I've never mentioned my other favourite castmate - the fabulous Natalie Miller. Anyway, I was rummaging through a box of my old CDs recently and was excited to find a copy of the underrated diva's one and only single. Released in 2000, "Gonna Miss Your Love" got some radio play and Natalie performed the song on a couple of TV shows but it didn't exactly set the charts on fire. I blame Max22.
Natalie's voice sounds great and the chorus is addictive but it's hard to shine when you've been teamed with the worst rapper in Australian history (and that's saying something). It's a shame because the song blends Latin and dance elements rather amusingly and Nat looks sexy in her white leather. No comment about that bird's nest on her head though! Despite the fact that Natalie never released another single (to my knowledge), she still maintained a reasonably high profile as a backing vocalist. For many years she was a staple of the live music scene and regularly performed as part of Kylie's band whenever she toured Australia. However, Natalie seems to have dropped off the face of the earth. I really hope she's still out there plugging away, bringing her unique glamour to pubs and clubs across the country. If anyone knows any information about this 80s icon, please let me know. In the meantime, check out the video for her lost Australian pop "classic":
A few weeks ago I met @m8er in the glamorous surrounds of the Stonewall hotel on Oxford Street. The emerging pop sensation had just unveiled her debut single "Kill That Bitch" (which lists the celebrities she'd like to murder) and was in the middle of a public relations shit storm. The usually amiable Auspopdescribed the song as "desperately contrived" and "enough to leave you totally appalled", while Jessica from Defamerwent a step further declaring "any radio station who playlists it should be sent directly into the fiery pits of hell". Personally, I think "Kill That Bitch" is hilarious. It's a good, old fashioned piss take and I couldn't wait to meet the woman responsible for classy lyrics like "Paris Hilton rhymes with Stilton". Given @m8er's outrageous image and flair for controversy, I was also slightly nervous but she turned out to be a total sweetheart with no homicidal tendencies - that I noticed.
I was curious to get to the bottom of the "Kill That Bitch" backlash and started by asking - What is it about those particular bitches? "They are the poster girls for laziness and young wealth gone mad. I spent a lot of time last year crashing on sofas, watching reality TV and found those same girls on every show and in every magazine. I don't actually want them dead, I don't even know them, it's a figure of speech, an everyday expression about how annoying they are but it's not meant to be taken literally." So, how did Delta 'I'll advertise anything for money' Goodrem and Cassie Davis miss the cut? I'd take them out myself! "Well, I'm very patriotic and I draw the line at trashing Aussies, it's not gonna happen."
The elephant in the room was the overwhelming negative response to "Kill That Bitch" but I didn't really know to bring it up without being too offensive. So I just asked how it felt being labelled a talentless publicity whore. @m8er admitted to hearing some of the criticism but seemed quite taken back by the extent of it. "I knew it would upset some people but I am a little surprised by the extent of the vitriol. I don't flash my knickers or stumble out of clubs. I work extremely hard and I'm completely fearless. I write all of my songs and make shit happen. I've just been working my arse off for the past 9 years trying to create my opportunity. My songs are topical. I enjoy telling a story. I love to laugh. I just don't take life that seriously. It is becoming clearer to me just how conservative us Aussies really are." I wonder if she might have got a better reaction in the UK but @m8er was adamant about cracking Australia first. "I was actually offered a record deal in England but I turned it down. I just wanted to start my career here. I've been away for so long. And local pop music is average at best. I really want to make some noise here first. I'm determined to win everyone over but I'm not going to change who I am."
Next on the agenda was the spelling of @m8er's name (it's pronounced Amber). "People are reading far too much into it. I wanted my name to look like an expletive. I wanted something fun. It's really not that deep. 8 is also my lucky number. It's no big deal." I also couldn't resist asking about the "Kill That Bitch" video, which has received almost as much criticism as the song. "I wanted the video to be something completely left of centre. I am not interested in doing a paint by numbers pop video. I had the opportunity to work with the 'Street Monsters' in London who are these mad little animated characters put in real life settings. I had my own characters created and we shot it in Cambridgeshire. It was one of the best days of my life and one that I am very proud of."
So what's next for @m8er? "My second single is called "The 10 Date Commandments" featuring Lil' Kim." My jaw must have dropped when she mentioned Lil' Kim because she goes on to explain how the collaboration came about. "My manager in New York sent it to her and she went ape shit over the song. She recorded her vocals on it and appears in the video clip, which was shot in LA. We've become really good friends. She is real cool. The track was recorded in London's Rollover Studios and produced by Ollie J (Madonna, Leftfield, The Prodigy). It's completely different to "Kill That Bitch". Overseeing the whole album is super producer Dallas Austin. I ask how she hooked up Madonna's ex-right hand man. "I met Dallas after a show in New York. He liked my music and we got talking. I've been working on this album for a long time. I'm no overnight success story but its cool if people make all these assumptions about me. All will be revealed in the end."
I ask her to tell me more about the album. "It's called "Strawberries & Kittens". There's no filler. I believe every song could be a single. I hate it when there are only a few good songs on an album and the rest are pure shit. People don't know me yet or my voice. I have my own production company so no one hands me anything. I work hard and I'm in full creative control of everything I do. I don't have a stylist telling me how to dress. I am not four after all. I make my own t-shirts with my lyrics printed on them. I have no one telling me how to speak or what to say. I like to have fun and push people's buttons. What you see is what you get. So which pop stars do you look up to? "Madonna. I love the cougar video for "Celebration". I'm also a huge fan of Cyndi Lauper and Missy Elliot."
I get the feeling @m8er is completely misunderstood. I can understand why some people think Australia's answer to Lily Allen (Universal's claim - not mine!) is a super-arrogant bogan desperate for fame but I think she's just incredibly focused and driven. If nothing else "Kill That Bitch" has raised her profile and I suspect it was more of a toe in the water than a first single. Hopefully, @m8er's collaboration with Lil' Kim will put some of the haters in check and show off a different side of her personality. I wish her luck.
The last time I saw Ladyhawke she was playing at a pub in Chatswood. Admittedly, that was prior to the release of her album and she was still better known as the (ex-)frontwoman of Teenager. Pip has had a pretty wild ride since then. She's gone on to become the poster girl of the synth-rock/pop revival and finally achieved a much deserved commercial breakthrough with the top ten hit "My Delirium". I guess last night's sold out show at The Enmore was something of a homecoming and the concert definitely felt like a party. One of the coolest things about Pip's transformation into Ladyhawke is the fact that she's carried her rock sensibility into the pop world. There's not a lot of fuss - no staging, no costume changes or special effects. Just a woman with a guitar and bunch of really, really good songs. In fact, I think she performed the entire album. The highlights for me were "Crazy World" (why wasn't this dreamy gem ever released as a single?), the brilliant "Oh My" and the best song that Pat Benatar never recorded "Back Of The Van". The encore was the evening's only misstep. Ladyhawke payed homage to her NZ countrymen with a cover of Split Enz's "Message To My Girl" before launching into a strangely sedate version of Patti Smith's "Free Money". Winding up the concert with a ballad and a song that half the crowd had never heard before was slightly awkward. Not that anyone cared when Pip closed the show with "My Delirium". All in all, a pretty fucking awesome night!
So Beyoncé cleaned up at this year's MTV Europe Music Awards in Berlin winning Best Song ("Halo"), Best Female Singer and Best Video Clip ("Single Ladies"). 2009 has been a banner year for the rich man's Kelly Rowland but I think she officially planted her flag at the summit of pop superstardom in Germany last night. And I'm not talking about her swag of prizes. Few award show performances make any kind of real impact on popular culture (Britney's "Gimme More" debacle at the 2007 MTV Music Awards did for all the wrong reasons) and even fewer are regarded as genuinely iconic (Kylie's legendary "Can't Get Blue Monday Out Of My Head" at the 2002 Brits comes to mind) but that's the only description that fits Beyoncé stunning performance of "Sweet Dreams".
Speaking of Kylie, Beyoncé reminds me a lot of Dannii's slightly more successful sibling circa 2001-2002. She's at the height of her physical beauty, comes across as sexy rather than sordid despite wearing outfits that a PCD stripper would reject and is currently riding a once in a career wave of momentum. The "Sweet Dreams" live extravaganza demonstrates this perfectly. Most of the press has concentrated on Beyoncé's eye popping red lingerie (which The Prophet amusingly describes as a cross between Vanity 6 and the star of Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers - one of my all time favourite movies!) but this performance is about so much more than an incredibly sexy outfit. There's the beautiful nursery rhyme intro performed inside a red satin heart, pounding militaristic drums, a catwalk strut at approximately 1:50 mins that would make Miss Jay cry tears of joy, pitch perfect vocals and the some of the fiercest choreography I've seen in years (see 2:50 minutes for proof). Say what you like about Beyoncé - she is the complete package and currently makes the rest of the pop world look second rate. All hail the new Queen.
Sarah McLeod is one of music's great chameleons. In the late 90s she joined the likes of Suze Demarchi (Baby Animals) and Chrissy Amphlett (Divinyls) as one of the very few female singers to make any kind of real impact on the Australian rock scene. Her band, The Superjesus, epitomised the post-grunge movement and their debut album "Sumo" was pretty much unavoidable when I was a teenager. After recording another couple of albums with The Superjesus, Sarah struck out on her own and released her solo debut "Beauty Was A Tiger" in 2005. The project wasn't a huge success - until someone decided to try something different and remixed the third single. "He Doesn't Love You" was a #1 club smash and remained on that chart for over 6 months. I was completely obsessed with the song and included it on my inaugural end of year countdown. At the time I ranted "if only the silly bitch would buy a dress and realise that pop is her calling, the entire world would simultaneously breathe a sigh of relief". A little bit dramatic I know (sorry about the silly bitch comment, Sarah!) but strangely prophetic. Since then Sarah has focused on dance music - scoring a massive US and UK club hit last year with "White Horse" - and has finally returned with the official follow up to "He Doesn't Love You". I was lucky enough to chat with Sarah recently and here's what she had to say about her new single "Tell Your Story Walking":
Sarah, your new single "Tell Your Story Walking" is a great fuck you anthem. Was it written about anyone in particular or inspired by various arseholes? Actually , it masquerades as this type of sentiment but actually it is about a very intense personal struggle within myself. It's actually me talking to myself, trying to eradicate all my negativity to push through to become the best I can be. Everyone wrestles with that little voice in their head that tells them that they can not achieve something if it seems too far fetched or too hard. Without these voices we can achieve anything. I'm just telling mine to hit the road and get out of my way. I think this struggle paves the way for great personal triumph.
What are your favourite break-up songs? You mention "I Will Survive" in the lyrics. I didn't picture you as a disco fan. That's just a classic, you can't escape it, and yeah, I can rock a bit of disco from time to time! I also like "Respect" by Aretha Franklin and I LOVE "Breakin' Dishes" by Rihanna.
The song is another club banger. Since the release of "Beauty Was A Tiger" you've really found a niche on the dance scene - what inspired the move away from rock? It was a perfectly natural progression actually, we had a remix done of "He Doesn't Love You" with Hook N Sling and it took off without us actually doing much at all. The same with "White Horse", we gave it over to the girls and boys in the clubs to decide... and it just happened, I couldn't stop it. When I got into production I discovered that electronic sounds were much more fun to work with from a studio point of view. As I got further and further into the realms of the thudding sub kick, live drums and guitars seemed to create too much trashy top end white noise for me. I couldn't go back, I had seen the other side and I LIKED it! There's so much more you can do with electronic sounds, it's way more fun from a production stand point.
The remixed version of "He Doesn't Love You" was one of my favourite songs of 2006 and spent most of that year on the club charts. Why has it taken so long to follow it up? It was never supposed to be a big release, it's purpose was to fill the gap between albums and have some fun. It's not like that was the first single and then a year later I released the rest. I had to make sure I was confident of my direction before putting out the next song. I do chop and change a lot as I like so many styles of music, so I had to solidify my path and then walk it with confidence. Sometimes this takes time.
I read that NY based producers Questionable Intent worked on your album. Who else has been involved and when is it being released? Most of it was done by myself and the QI boys but there are also a couple of tracks that I did with Jimmy Douglas and ILL Factor in Miami. This was a session I had done prior and I picked the best from that collaboration and fused it with what I had learned in Brooklyn. I also worked with a French rapper named Fredrick Da who is amazing, he is a great friend of mine now who I met through Paul Mac when he was in New York.
Will the album feature "White Horse"? That song is stunning. Why wasn't it an official single? "White Horse" may be on the album, I'm 99% sure it will be but as I write better songs, things start to get bumped. "White Horse" is hanging in there by it's chiny chin chin but I think it will survive!
I hear you're heavily involved with fashion and styling these days. Who inspired your sexy new look? Living in New York City really inspired me. I would see the coolest people walking around my neighbourhood and it was all very eclectic but super cool. I would get ideas for things I could wear and the way I could style myself in general. I started to see the creativity in it. It became less: "I have to go out, I'll throw this on" kinda thing, to a more "Oh how exciting I can try this with this and maybe do that". I got really into the idea of the personal statement that finding your style creates.
Would you ever leave the house dressed in garbage bags or wearing a Kermit the frog jacket a la Lady GaGa? Every artist has their own way of expressing themselves and she really takes it to the extreme, God love her. It's way to over the top for me though.
Do you ever miss being Australia's premiere rock chick? How different is performing on the international club scene to gigging around Australia? Playing in clubs is a pretty different scene, Its less rowdy and raucous than the Aussie pub scene. People are less likely to yell things out to you while your performing, they just keep on dancing with a grin from ear to ear and kinda stare at you!
Speaking of your musical past, I'm pretty sure I vomited to the glorious strains of"Down Again"at a school disco. Do you have a favourite song from The Superjesus catalogue? That's a tough question for me, I like certain songs for different reasons. My life changed so much with record to record and each track means something different to me. Especially as each record had a different guitar player and my role in the band grew more hands on with each record. Probably for me, I was most into the 3rd album "Rock Music" My favourite tracks from that are "Manic" and "Shudder".
"Tell Your Story Walking" hits Australian iTunes tomorrow. The stunning video is currently being streamed exclusively on Nova's website but will probably hit youtube next week. In the meantime, check out this brief "making of" preview:
I have to apologise for the lack of updates recently. My life has just been more insane than usual. Things will hopefully return to normal later in the week but in the meantime, please bear with me. Today's post is brief but still rather fun. Toy Soldiers (ie. La Toya fans) have long lived under the impression that our Goddess only filmed four film clips in her stunning 30 year career. "Heart Don't Lie" redefined the medium, while "(Ain't Nobody Loves You) Like I Do" remains a camp classic. "You're Gonna Get Rocked" set new standards as the fiercest urban video of all time and more recently, "Home" took the internet by storm - reminding the world of Toy's creative genius. However, fans have long debated the existence of a video clip for 1989's "Bad Girl". A couple of days ago, the mystery was solved... kind of.
La Toya's 6th studio album was recorded in Germany in the late 80s and a lead single was released. In typical Toy Toy style, "Bad Girl" flopped worse than Brooke Hogan and Heidi Montag put together and the similarly titled album was shelved until 1991. Rumours began circulating that a video for "Bad Girl" was filmed but it remained shrouded in mystery until it unexpectedly appeared on youtube a few days ago. I have to admit that I always thought the film clip was an old wives' tale. For a very simple reason. I lived in Germany as a child and most television shows had elaborate visual montages for guest performers at the time. I vividly remember Toy (or fake La Toya as the case may be) performing "Don't Break My Heart" on TV - complete with video screens and a panther! - and I always assumed the "Bad Girl" video might be an edit of a similar performance. Watching it today, I'm still not convinced but it doesn't matter. This is a riveting masterpiece and showcases Toy Toy's stunning dance moves, which I'm sure you'll agree put Janet's pathetic choreography to shame! I love the zero budget special effects and the fact that La Toya's backing dancers were obviously drafted from the nearest gay club.
The song itself is an amazing attempt to cash in on Michael's "Bad" but I think the track holds up well as a late 80s anthem. The chorus is catchy and the production bounces along cheerfully enough. One of these days I'll write a proper post about one of La Toya's best albums but in the meantime check out this rare and amazing video - regardless if it is official or not. Nobody does it quite like Toy Toy!
This is quite simply THE most amazing thing I've ever seen in my entire life. It captures the essence of Dannii, her stunning artistry and undeniable genius perfectly. Watch this and weep tears of pure joy.
Now this is a bit confusing, so please bear with me. Way back in January I wrote a post announcing Amanda Lear's comeback album and even provided a tentative tracklist. The good news is that "Brief Encounters" has finally been released. Albeit only in Italy. Now, here's where things get a little complicated. The album will be released in France on the 23rd of November (and subsequently in the rest of the world) as "Brand New Love Affair" - with a completely different tracklisting! The albums also have distinctly different themes. The Italian release is a double CD comprised of an acoustic disc and a dance/remix disc, while the French version is a disco concept album. I haven't heard "Brand New Love Affair" in full yet but it appears that most of the best tracks have ended up on that album. However, that's not to say that the Italian version is a write off. "Brief Encounters" is a great listen and contains several Lear-tastic pop gems. If this is the reject album (so to speak) - the real deal should be amazing! Disc 1
Despite mainly featuring acoustic/pared back covers, disc 1 kicks off with the album's mid-tempo lead single "Someone Else's Eyes" - an appealing duet with the album's main producer Deadstar. I like the song but I prefer the airbrushed to the point of being animated video clip. Watch a preview above. The next song is more reflective of this half of the album. Amanda shows Amy Winehouse a thing or two about being a real diva on her surprisingly fabulous cover of "Back To Black". The jazzy sound suits Ms Lear perfectly and she was born to sing the line "he left no time to regret, kept his dick wet"! "Cupidon", a pretty ballad performed in French, is followed by a sax-tastic version of the Lenny Kravitz hit "I Belong To You". Amanda sounds great but I don't like the musical arrangement. It sounds like elevator music from the 80s. The same could be said for "I Don't Wanna Lose You", which is similarly sleep inducing. Happily, "Fallin' In Love Again" is more lively and stands out as the album's only contemporary pop-rock track.
"Je m'appelle Amanda" is poignant for the clearly autobiographical lyrics, while the jaunty accordion wouldn't sound out of place in a Parisian cafe. Unfortunately, "Let's Love" is another snail paced ballad that sounds like it was stolen from Kenny G circa 1984 but Amanda's smokey cover of Lou Reed's "Perfect Day" is touching despite being marred by excessive lashings of saxophone. The covers continue unabated with a cute version of Françoise Hardy's "Comment Te Dire Adieu", which has more than a touch of Austin Powers about it. The Queen of Chinatown's take on David Bowie's "Sorrow" is a real highlight. The arrangement is relatively faithful to the original and the song choice is sentimental given that the great diva appeared in the original video clip (below). I was really concerned about the next song but "Suicide Is Painless" (better known as the MASH theme song) is a minor triumph. Amanda brings real gravitas to the proceedings and the result is tender and real. Disc 1 finishes on a rather insipid note with "Secret Lover" but there is a lot to enjoy on the first half of "Brief Encounters". Disc 2
I suspect that most fans will be far more interested in the trashtastic second disc, which returns Amanda to dancefloor. The disc opens with an unexpected cover of Peter Wilson's "Doin' Fine". Peter is a friend of mine - so I'm probably a bit biased - but I prefer his version. The production on this is just lazy. It's exactly the same backing track as Peter's version! Rather more appealing is the dance remix of "Someone Else's Eyes", which is pure Hi-NRG cheese. I love the floaty Euro beats and really think this should have been the single version. Next up is the first of three versions of "This Is Not America" (not a David Bowie cover as first reported). The song is a surprisingly dark dance anthem with political lyrics and it works quite well. However, I think three remixes is a bit of overkill. Disco fans will be more interested in Amanda's interpretation of Giorgio Moroder's "Let The Music Play". I love this. The production is a bit kooky at times but a talented DJ could work wonders with it. However, the album's best cover version is yet to come. As far as I'm concerned "Brief Encounters" is worth tracking down for Ms Lear's stunning cover of "Always On My Mind" alone. This is the only T1 production (Peter Wilson and Chris Richards) on the Italian release and it's a winner. Think the Pet Shop Boys meet Kate Ryan (if she could sing) and you have some idea of what this achingly pretty, synth drenched treat sounds like. The boys also deliver a fantastic club mix. The last notable track on Disc 2 is "For What I Am". Amusingly, the song comes with an R'n'B remix but it's pretty dull by Amanda's lofty standards and brings down what is a highly enjoyable collection of dance tunes and remixes.
"Brief Encounters" is available to order from FNAC Italy but they don't ship to Australia (or America by the look of it), so your best bet is Ebay. Amanda's Italian opus is a lot of fun and essential for fans of disco's most fabulous diva but it's very uneven. There are some great moments but the album has clearly been padded with filler and unnecessary remixes - probably because most of the quality tracks ended up on the French release if the buzz on Myspace and Facebook is any indication. Speaking of which, check out a preview of the title track and lead single from "Brand New Love Affair" (below). I'll post more details about that release very soon.
You know it's November when Dannii releases her annual batch of X Factor cash-in albums. This time around the Queen of Clubs is unveiling deluxe editions of her stunning debut "Love & Kisses" as well as her 1993 #52 UK smash hit "Get Into You". However, the real gem is "The 95 Sessions" - possibly Dannii's most exciting fan release ever! I don't usually have a lot of nice things to say about Nafensays but I think he's done a great job on this. I just hope it doesn't sell out on iTunes like "The Early Years" because Dannii's lost 1995 album is the holy grail of pop music as far as I'm concerned!
After the phenomenal worldwide success of "Get Into You", the prettier Minogue swiftly started work on her third album for MCA Records. Dannii mentioned in interviews that she was experimenting with club beats after revolutionising urban music on her previous two masterpieces and rumours began circulating that she was working with hot 90s dance producers Love To Infinity, Soul II Soul and Motiv 8. Promotion for the album was underway by mid-1995 and the Empress of X Factor even performed the original version of "Everlasting Night" and another new song called "Free Your Love" at various gay pride events. Both of those songs appear on "The 95 Sessions" - along with "Don't Want To Leave You Now", which Dannii performed on her sold out (according to Droid statisticians) 1998 tour. I LOVE the original and vastly superior version of "Everlasting Night", so if the rest of the album even comes close to matching those heights I will be in 7th heaven! The official tracklist is below:
Free Your Love Skin Deep Love And Affection I Got This Feeling Let Love Into Your Life Everlasting Night Crazy For Your Love Love In Me Exclusively Love Will Find A Way Don't Wanna Leave You Now Free Your Love (Remix)
This the first Dannii fan release that doesn't feel like a cheap X Factor cash-in and Nathan deserves a lot of credit for putting it together. I think I'm going to get a spray tan (setting - Kelly Llorenna orange) and wear a plunging V neck t-shit in his honour! "The 95 Sessions" is available to pre-order now from Play. I already know what I want for Christmas.
Listening to "3 Words" is only slightly more painful and humiliating than being punched in the face by a talentless media whore in a public toilet afterbeing called a "jigaboo". Seriously, urban pop music hasn't sunk to these depraved depths since Damon Dash single-handedly destroyed Victoria Beckham's music career by convincing her to go street. I can't think of anything positive to say about "3 Words" - well, apart from the fact that it probably sets a new world record for the most copious use of autotune on a single recording. The racist from Girls Aloud proves once and for all that she is a delusional idiot suffering from a stunning lack of vocal ability and charisma. Cheryl has crafted what is possibly the worst album of all time (and that includesCameron Daddo's country album) and I found the process of reviewing it to be a cruel and unusual punishment. Anyway, here are my brief thoughts on 2009's biggest turd:
3 Words (Featuring will.i.am) - 0/10
Who the fuck does this cunt think she is? Fergie? This dreary, mid-tempo urban pop duet sounds like something The Dutchess recorded when she was still on Meth and talking to washing machines. "3 Words" - a clear reference to the 'Ku Klux Klan' if ever I heard it - is utterly appalling. There's no chorus and no melody to speak of. All that's left is Cheryl's mercifully autotuned voice and some weak beats that were obviously too shit for "The E.N.D."
Parachute - 0/10
Oh lord. The world's worst singer has decided to rip off "Umbrella". I can't believe this hateful troll thinks she's in the same league as Rihanna. Where's Chris Brown when you need him to smack a bitch up? Honestly, this is just abysmal. Faux urban pop at its most derivative and dire.
Heaven (Featuring will.i.am) - 0/10
"I don't gotta die to get up to heaven. My heaven's wit choo!" Someone really needs to tell Cheryl that assaulting a black woman doesn't make her one. Bitch is from Newcastle not New York! This bland dirge is utterly pointless and more than a little embarrassing. What the hell has gotten into will.i.am? I think he's just decided to sabotage the racist's career by giving her all his worst tunes. When was this recorded? 2002?
Fight For This Love (AKA Fight For This Race) - 0/10
I've already said enough about 2009's most disturbing and appalling piece of propaganda for the White Supremacy movement. Bad lyrics, bad vocals and production recycled from Brandy circa 1997 equals putrid pop at its most empty and vile.
Rain On Me - 0/10
Seriously, I can't believe this tragic bitch ever got a record deal. Her voice is thinner than an extra sheer condom and leaves an even worse taste in your mouth. This mid-tempo misstep (produced by the usually reliable Wayne Wilkins) has absolutely nothing going for it. Even Shontelle would draw the line at this sad pile of wank.
Make Me Cry - 0/10
I'd love to see this racist bitch cry. It shouldn't be too hard. I'm sure she throws a tantrum every time Barack Obama comes on the telly and makes Ashley get extra nasty with his mobile phone before putting on "Birth Of A Nation" to calm her nerves. This is one of the few bouncy pop tunes on the album but it's completely destroyed by Cheryl's voice. It's also two minutes too long.
Happy Hour - 0/10
Is she referring to the moment this shit ends? Fantastic - more recycled urban beats and a migraine inducing sample. Who is this album's intended audience? Those tens of VB fans living in hope that her urban masterpiece will eventually leak in full? Or just deluded Girls Aloud fans who have regularly proven their willingness to buy any old shit? At least "Happy Hour" boasts some so bad they're almost amusing lyrics. "I realise some days I can be sweet and some I'm sour but I can't help but drink you up 'cause you're my happy hour" - I mean, really.
Stand Up - 0.5/10
Finally a cheap and cheerful dance number that wouldn't sound out of place on a Girls Aloud album. Co-written and produced by Taio Cruz (who is no stranger to polishing a turd), this is the album's best track but it's still sounds like an Agnes B-side. Forgettable but relatively inoffensive.
Don't Talk About This Love - 0/10
Oh hell, I'm really scared. This one note wonder is trying to sing a ballad. Jesus take the wheel and steer me clear of this crime against humanity. Computer says 'fuck no', deletes its hard drive and explodes in protest.
Boy Like You (Featuring will.i.am) - 0/10
How dare this cunt sample one of my favourite Fleetwood Mac songs? Stevie would never approve! Unfortunately that sample is the only good thing about "Boy Like You". Plodding beats pollute something that could have been remotely interesting. This sounds like an insipid attempt at mimicking the RedOne sound. I have officially lost all respect for will.i.am. This is just gross.
Heartbreaker (Featuring will.i.am) - 0/10
Oh great. It's the musical masterpiece that launched Cheryl's solo career. It was shit in 2008 and it's still shit now.
In conclusion, I would prefer to be slowly castrated by Jewel's crooked teeth and forced to read Ayn Rand for the rest of eternity than ever hear this musical abortion ever again.
Say what you like about Lady GaGa and her publicity whoring ways but it's impossible to deny the impact her success has had on the music scene. Since attaining the fame little over a year ago, the stunning beauty has turned electro-pop into a highly sought after commodity - opening the door for a whole new wave of dance divas. While some are happy to imitate (see Cascada's line for line remake of "Just Dance" otherwise known as "Evacuate The Dancefloor"), others (Eva Simons for example) have managed to put their own spin on the GaGa sound. The two ladies featured in this post definitely fall into the latter category. Ke$ha has been on my radar since actually making a Flo Rida song sound good. While her vocal on "Round Round" helped raise her profile, the 22 year old (in GaGa years?) looks set to hit the big time courtesy of the insanely catchy "Tik Tok". Ke$ha's anthem and video clip explore very similar territory to "Just Dance" and the track boasts some of the best/most dubious lyrics since "Poker Face" but it still sounds fresh and relatively original. "Tik Tok" is a winner largely due to Ke$ha's larger than life personality, the chunky beats and its universal theme. Who doesn't like alcohol and dancing? Given the quality of the songs on her Myspace, I'd say Ke$ha is here to stay. At least until the dance-pop revival runs out of steam or she stops sucking Diddy's cock.
The next beneficiary of Lady GaGa's success is the slightly demented Lolene. I love this crazy bitch but I seriously doubt she would currently be signed to Capitol Records if the fame monster hadn't paved the way first. In the past Lolene would have simply been too risqué for the masses but now her super sleazy image is a selling point. While the shy and retiring English diva shares some common ground with Lady GaGa, I don't think "Sexy People" will trouble "Bad Romance" on the charts. Lolene is quick to point out that this is just preview and not her official debut single but the video (below) is getting a lot of attention for all the wrong reasons. I love the fact that the film clip takes place inside Lolene's vagina and features a couple of drag queens who accidentally left their wigs and dresses at home but I seem to be in the minority. The song itself is a pretty standard dance anthem. It's catchy enough but lacks the bite of Ke$ha's hit. "Sexy People" is apparently not indicative of the rest of her album, which raises the question of why she bothered releasing it in the first place. Anyway, I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. Anyone who calls their blog Lolene's Disco Vagina is alright by me!
Bow down to Australia's new Queen of Pop! Tonight Vanessa Amorosi is celebrating the first #1 hit of her decade long career. It's hard to believe that modern classics like "Absolutely Everybody" and "Have A Look" stalled outside the top 5, so this is long overdue. The achievement is all the more impressive when you consider Vanessa's competition. "This Is Who I Am" had to outsell new releases from Britney and Robbie Williams - making it a rare triumph for good taste and talent! I'm so happy for Ness Ness. She's gone from strength to strength since staging her comeback and this cements her spot in the upper echelon of Australian pop. I've already written about my love for "This Is Who I Am" but I still can't get enough of it. There's just something ruthlessly catchy and uplifting about this tune. The lyrics are a raised middle finger to her haters (Ness don't care if she's fat or if you think her clothes are bad), Machopsycho's production steals every trick in Max Martin's book and she looks all kinds of sexy on the single cover! Shame about the tragic video (below) though. At least the scene where she's flying on a cloud is good for comedy value and I guess it's not her fault if CGI hasn't quite made its way to Australia. Anyway, congratulations Vanessa. You've come a long way from dancing around Liverpool Plaza!
As you can probably tell from some of mypreviousposts, I'm slightly obsessed with Shakira. "Laundry Service" remains one of my favourite albums of all time and I seem to be the only person who genuinely liked "Oral Fixation Vol. 2" - even though it failed to live up to the genius of Volume 1 (the sublime Spanish version). I was expecting huge things from her third English language album and Shakira delivers. Kind of. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE "She Wolf". It's one of the best pop albums you will hear all year (definitely in my top 5 for 2009 thus far) and it contains a handful of songs that rank right up there with "Día Especial", "Fool", "Las de la Intuición", "Underneath Your Clothes", "Te Dejo Madrid" and "Don't Bother" as Shakira classics. However, there is one major blight on this otherwise gorgeous set of pop tunes - the involvement of The Neptunes.
Pharrell seriously needs to back the fuck off before he drags any more divas into his web of urban mediocrity. At their best The Neptunes create fresh and interesting soundscapes that clearly inspire the people they work with (see Gwen's "Hollaback Girl" and Shakira's "Did It Again") but more often than not I hear the same old recycled beats and tired hooks (ie. Madonna's entire "Hard candy" album). The four (six if you count the Spanish versions) Neptunes produced tracks are not bad by any means. They just could have been recorded by any old skank. It's almost like Shakira has been lost in the process of making something American radio will play. Worse still, the songs don't sit very well with the rest of the album, which is adventurous, brave and eclectic - everything we've come to know and expect from Colombia's greatest export. Here's my review:
She Wolf - A+
I'm starting to feel just a little abused like a coffee machine in an office
I don't think anyone was expecting Shakira to return with a disco-tinged electro-pop anthem about lycanthropy and office furniture! It really shouldn't work (and sometimes I think it doesn't quite gel) but I love the track's eccentricity and fearlessness. Shakira isn't afraid to try new things and experiment with her sound. And her bravery is rewarded on this. John Hill's production carries the sometimes clumsy phrasing along perfectly and Shakira's lyrics and camp howls are an endless source of joy. Don't even get me started on the video, which is disturbs and amuses me in equal measure!
Did It Again - A+
Did it again Damn, I got it all wrong But it felt so right I can't believe it
This song hits a little too close to home for me at the moment, which probably explains why I've played it about thirty times in the past 48 hours. Of all the Neptunes produced tracks, this is the clear stand out. "Did It Again" perfectly balances the electronic elements with small urban flourishes. The layering of beats and samples is dazzling and there are a million and one little hooks to draw you in. Best of all, this is still very much a Shakira song. Her confessional lyrics are perfectly showcased and her unique brand of melancholy is unmistakable. "Did It Again" reminds me of a slightly more upbeat version of Nelly Furtado's "Say It Right", which is a huge compliment.
Long Time - B-
Hold me, show me all the talent God has given you
I think I'm being overly generous giving this a B- (C+ would be more accurate) but it's inoffensive filler that happily bounces along like everything else The Neptunes have ever produced and I have a soft (hard?) spot for songs about frenzied fucking. I don't want to sound like a broken record but my problem with this is that it could have been recorded by anyone. There's not a reference to unshaved legs or a bad metaphor to be heard. Shakira is completely MIA.
Why Wait - B
Why wait for later? I'm not a waiter
Everything that I said about "Long Time" basically applies to "Why Wait". The only reason I've given it a slightly higher rating is for the subtle Eastern elements that litter the track and for the chunkier beats. It's nice. It's just not Shakira.
Good Stuff - B+
I'm not gonna miss out on the good stuff The grass is much greener with us on it
The last Neptunes production (phew!) is mercifully one of their best. "Good Stuff" is another club banger (in the American sense of the term) but what separates this from "Long Time" and "Why Wait" is the genuinely catchy chorus. I also love the quirky splashes of accordion and, if I'm not mistaken, I can even hear some tinkering on a xylophone! There's something wonderfully Latin about this track that should endear it to old school fans. Breezy and beautiful.
Men In This Town - A+
Where are all the men in this town? What's a girl supposed to do?
Shakira, you're preaching to the choir. I've been asking myself the same question for years! Amazing and highly accurate lyrics aside, the great thing about "Men In This Town" is the fact that it represents the only truly electro track on the album. I can only imagine how brilliant "She Wolf" would have turned out if Shakira had pursued this sound further. It suits her perfectly and brilliantly showcases her quirky sensibility. John Hill's production is a revelation and I've decided that Kylie needs to hire him to helm "XI". By the way, am I hallucinating or does she really say "I never dreamed that I'd come here to be the next (Angelina) Jolie"?
Gypsy - A+
I'm a gypsy, are you coming with me? I might steal your clothes and wear them if they fit me
Now this is an unexpected delight. Hiding among all the urban pop tunes and dance anthems is this sweet little guitar pop gem that wouldn't sound out of place on "Laundry Service" or "Oral Fixation Vol. 2". Co-written and co-produced by Amanda Ghost (who wrote "Disappear", "Ave Maria" and "Satellites" for Beyoncé's amazing "Sasha Fierce" album), "Gypsy" captures the essence of Shakira better than any other track on the album - perhaps with the exception of "Mon Amour". It's floaty, pretty, slightly weird and always engaging. I doubt this will ever be released as a single but it's already rocking the Shakira playlist on my Ipod.
Spy (Featuring Wyclef Jean) - B+
Blinds are see through Let your mind go and imagine that I kiss you
Unfortunately, this is no "Hips Don't Lie". Instead of the upbeat party anthem I was expecting, "Spy" is a slinky urban groove about Shakira flirting with a stalker/peeping tom! It took a couple of listens but now I think it's great. The melody is gorgeous and I love the demented chorus. There's also a touch of old school R'n'B about this track, which makes it stand out from the rest of the album. Ba ba ba ba!
Mon Amour - A+
And I every night I pray that you don't knock her up Cause I still want to be the mother of your child
What can you say about a song that opens with that couplet? Well, other than declare it a work of lyrical genius! "Mon Amour" reminds me a little of the hugely underrated "Hey You" from "Oral Fixation Vol. 2". It's bursting with crunchy guitars, drenched in ska and contains some of the best/worst lyrics ever recorded. The song even ends with Shakira welcoming passengers on a flight to hell! I love everything about "Mon Amour" and it makes me miss the slightly more varied sound palette of her old material. Again, it would be commercial suicide to release this as a single but I think it's essential Shakira.
Give It Up To Me (Featuring Lil Wayne and Timbaland) - F
You can go up my crane, girl And imma go down that drain, girl
I should start by pointing out that this is mercifully not on the Australian or European versions of the album. It's a last minute addition to the delayed American release and according to reports will be the second single in America. This is a pathetic attempt to score a US hit and I can barely listen to the track without gagging on the stench of desperation. "Give It Up To Me" is little more than a rehash of Timbaland's "Give It To Me" with Shakira filling in for Nelly Furtado. The song is catchy as hell but Shakira is not a disposable urban nobody like Ciara or Keri Hilson. This is just demeaning.
Lo Hecho Está Hecho - A+
The Spanish version of "Did It Again".
Años Luz - B
The Spanish version of "Why Wait".
Loba - A+
"She Wolf" sounds even better in Spanish. Fact.
So where does that leave us? "She Wolf" is a fantastic album but it's not the triumph I was hoping for. It's definitely marked improvement on "Oral Fixation Vol. 2", I just wish Shakira had worked with John Hill on more tracks and left The Neptunes to aging has-beens like Madonna. My other concern is the lack of standout singles. There are at least half a dozen great songs but nothing I can imagine burning up the charts - perhaps with the exception of "Did It Again" and "Men In This Town" (at least in Australia and the UK). That has to be a worry for an album that was clearly constructed with the aim of being played on American radio. I still think "She Wolf" puts recent albums by Mariah, Britney and P!nk to shame - cementing Shakira's place near the top of the pop ladder. I just hope she's more true to herself next time around.
Whenever I'm feeling down, I play some La Toya and the world instantly feels a bit brighter. This week I've been pumping Toy Toy's 1986 triumph "Imagination". The album was a massive flop (even by the Pope of Pop's low standards) but I love it to bits - particularly the calypso-tastic "On A Night Like This" and the dubiously titled "Boys Got Somethin' Girls Ain't Got". In a strange coincidence, my friend and regular Pop Trash contributor Magical Froggy has just put the finishing touches to a stunning video for the album's most infamous track. "Baby Sister" is notorious among Toy Soldiers and Janatics as La Toya's musical swipe at her much less talented sister Janet. While not as bitter as Jermaine's fuck you note to Michael (1991's "Word To The Badd"), the song still packs a punch. The line "you used to love me til you met my baby sister" takes on a whole new meaning when you consider the song was released in the same year that "Control" turned Janet into a superstar and I wouldn't be surprised if the lyrics about man stealing and back stabbing were also based on fact given Manita Ho's uncontrollable vagina! However, "Baby Sister" is more than just a novelty hit. It's a shiny piece of pop perfection with gorgeous 80s synths and a perky little chorus. The song was also a critical smash winning the Outstanding Song Award at the 16th Annual World Popular Song Festival in Japan. Take that, Toy haters! I think MF's video (below) perfectly captures the essence of the song. My favourite bit is Janet standing outside McDonalds and Joe's cameo at the end. Enjoy!
One of the 2009's best pop songs has just been released in Australia and no one seems to have noticed. Medina's "You And I" is currently riding a tidal wave of internet hype and clubplay but the song is yet to properly cross over. I'd like to think it's only a matter of time but Scandipop doesn't have a great track record in this country - just ask Robyn! Speaking of that Swedish troll, "You And I" is the first Scandinavian pop tune to give me goosebumps since "Be Mine" way back in 2005. Everything about this icy dance anthem reeks of quality. The production (courtesy of The Providers) is clinically precise, the lyrics perfectly capture the rollercoaster ride of a bitter break up and the chorus is catchy to the point of being ridiculous. Interestingly, "You And I" was first released in Denmark last year under the title "Kun For Mig" and went on to spend 6 weeks at #1. The original Danish version is amazing and I hope it's included as a B-side if EMI Australia decide to release a physical single. It might also be wise to stop pushing the Deadmau5 remix (regardless of its brilliance) and go with the far more commercial UK radio edit that's used in the unfortunate video clip (below). I say unfortunate because poor Medina suffers from a bad case of Lady GaGa face and dressing her up like a Russian prostitute doesn't really help her cause! That said, the song is absolutely irresistible and deserves to be huge. I can't wait to hear more from the pride of Denmark.
Once upon a time (in the late 80s) in land far, far away (Australia) a fair maiden emerged to briefly turn the music scene upside down with her stunning lycra outfits and cheerful pop tunes. Of course, I'm talking about the legendary Collette. The cult icon is currently experiencing something of a revival after being featured on D Listed (I believe she'll also be making an appearance on The Isle Of Deserted Pop Stars in the not too distant future) and I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to write a little tribute to one of my favourite Australian pop stars of all time. Most people dismiss Collette as little more than a highly amusing footnote in local pop history but she deserves credit for producing two glorious albums and for carving out an enduring niche in popular culture. What would the 80s be without Collette's fluorescent lycra bike shorts?
Collette first came to prominence in the early 80s as a fashion model, becoming one of the faces of Dolly Magazine. Her wholesome good looks were enough to generate interest among the record labels and she eventually signed with CBS. Happily, nobody seems to have noticed her complete and utter lack of vocal ability and she promptly started work on her debut single! The interesting thing about Collette is the fact she was one of the few local divas to hitch her wagon to Kylie's Hi-NRG dance-pop sound. Only she took things to the next level by immersing herself in the emerging house movement - making her Australia's first Queen of clubs! I don't think anyone expected Collette to be a massive success but the response to "Ring My Bell" was instant. I still remember the first time I saw the ravishing beauty's trashtastic cover of Anita Ward's disco classic on Video Hits. Those tinny dance beats were irresistible and I was utterly mesmerised by Collette's amazing approach to fashion. The song leaped into the top 5 (a rare achievement for a local act at the time) and teenage girls across the nation started leaving the house in outfits that should never be seen outside a gymnasium! Check out the deservedly iconic video: With a massive smash hit on her hands, Collette rushed into the studio to record a follow up - again with DJ Pee Wee Ferris at the helm. "All I Wanna Do Is Dance" is another cracking club anthem with a slightly harder dance edge than "Ring My Bell". I love the catchy chorus and that crazy foghorn hook. Again Collette brought her A game to the film clip, wearing a stunning array of lycra outfits including leopard skin print bike shorts! The song was relatively successful, peaking at a lofty #12 - which proves once and for all that this diva was no one hit wonder! Collette's third single "That's What I Like About You" is one of my favourites and wouldn't sound out of place on a Stock Aitken Waterman compilation from the late 80s. Despite being a bubbly little pop gem the song stalled at #31. However, the video became an instant camp cult classic. The scenes in the nightclub are just too fierce! At around this time, Collette's debut album was finally released. "Raze The Roof" served up more of the same and is highly recommended to trash lovers but interest had started to fade and the album only limped to #48. It's a shame because "Raze The Roof" is an endless source of enjoyment and contains one of my all time favourite 80s anthems in the form of "Ordinary Man". That song still sums up what I'm looking for in a partner. Collette speaks the truth!
After "Raze The Roof", Collette swiftly re-emerged in 1990 with a "sophisticated" new image. Gone were the lycra outfits that made her a household name. Instead, Collette rocked a short haircut and wore even skimpier outfits than before. Personally, I think ditching the lycra was her downfall but I guess times were changing and she had to switch things up. That goes doubly for her music. Collette dumped the club beats in favour of an R'n'B sound (!) on her stunning comeback anthem "Who Do You Think You Are?" The song is an unintentionally hilarious Janet Jackson rip off but I love it to pieces. The production is a lot of fun and the almost spoken verses are... memorable. I love the chorus and the "street" video (below) is just too trashtastic for words. Unfortunately, the general public wasn't buying Collette's transformation and the song flopped at #56. In a slightly desperate attempt at re-claiming her "Ring My Bell" glory, the diva returned to dance music and covered another disco favourite. This time Collette revamped Diana's "Upside Down" but it performed even worse than her previous single, scraping into the charts at #91. It's a shame because I think the world needed and still needs a tacky Hi-NRG/acid house re-working of this gem. I still give it a spin every chance I get, particularly around disco enthusiasts who always get intensely annoyed for some reason! Check it out here.
After the miserable chart performance of "Who Do You Think You Are?" and "Upside Down", Collette did a reverse Kylie - joining Home & Away to restore her profile. It didn't really work. She only released one more single, a dance cover of the soul classic "This Will Be (Everlasting Love)". The video clip - complete with MC Hammer dancers - is a sight to behold and the 90s overhaul works surprisingly well. I love the song but it didn't even chart. Shortly thereafter, Collette's sophomore album "Attitude" was released but it also disappeared without a trace. However, it's definitely worth hunting down. I love the faux R'n'B numbers as much as the dance trash. The title track is particularly fun. Unfortunately, Collette is yet to bless the music world with another album but she hasn't disappeared from sight entirely. I was lucky enough to catch her perform at Arq in 2005 and she wowed a huge crowd at Mardi Gras in 2007. She still looks amazing and knows how to bust a dance move. 2009 is the year of the cougar, so keep your fingers crossed that Collette joins Stacey Q, Sam Fox and Sabrina on the comeback trail!
My future husband Andy Bull - Robbed of ARIA glory!
So this year's ARIA nominations (Australia's equivalent to the Grammies) have just been announced and all the usual suspects are heavily represented. Seriously, if you're the overhyped product of a major record label, specialise in indie rock or are simply a pretentious singer-songwriter with an alternative haircut then chances are you're going home with a swag of awards. Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to argue with The Temper Trap, Empire Of The Sun or even Kate Miller-Heidke snagging a bunch of nominations but Sarah Blasko, Eskimo Joe and AC/DC? Bitch, please. Why not just nominate Missy Higgins for whatever vomit inducing "masterpiece" she's currently working on/squeezing out of her arsehole? I guess pop music will never be recognised in this country so I've decided to come up with my own nominees. I know some of my choices are not eligible (due to release dates) but here goes:
ALBUM OF THE YEAR
AC/DC - Black Ice Sarah Blasko - As Day Follows Night Empire Of The Sun - Walking On A Dream Eskimo Joe - Inshalla The Temper Trap - Conditions
How depressing is this category? I have a sinking feeling that Sarah Blasko's cure for insomnia will win but I have my fingers crossed that Empire Of The Sun or The Temper Trap snatch it from her.
MY PICKS
Ladyhawke - Ladyhawke Shelley Harland - Red Leaf Sneaky Sound System - 2 Andy Bull - We're Too Young Lisa Mitchell - Wonder Jessica Mauboy - Been Waiting Empire Of The Sun - Empire Of The Sun Bertie Blackman - Secrets And Lies Dash & Will - Up In Something
NZ acts are clearly eligible, so where is Ladyhawke? People actually bought her album. Speaking of commercial success, why isn't Jessica Mauboy being rewarded for being the closest thing this country currently has to an authentic pop star? The lack of respect shown to Sneaky Sound System's stunning sophomore album is just rude, while Bertie Blackman has taken things to the next level with "Secrets And Lies". At least she snagged a best "Independent Album" nomination - poor Andy Bull's brilliant debut was completely ignored as was Shelley Harland's gorgeous "Red Leaf". That's not even touching on the injustice of Dash & Will's "Up In Something" being overlooked despite being the best teenage guitar-pop album released in recent memory.
SINGLE OF THE YEAR
Empire Of The Sun - Walking On A Dream Hilltop Hoods - Chase That Feeling Ladyhawke - My Delirium Kate Miller-Heidke - The Last Day On Earth The Tempter Trap - Sweet Disposition
This is one of the few categories I can't really criticise. "Walking On A Dream", "Sweet Disposition", "My Delirium" and "The Last Day On Earth" are all exquisite. "Chase That Feeling" isn't exactly my cup of tea but it's catchy as hell and perhaps the only example of local hip hop that broke through to the mainstream.
OTHER WORTHY CANDIDATES
Andy Bull - Small Town Girl Vanessa Amorosi - This Is Who I Am Zoë Badwi - Release Me Amy Pearson - Butterfingers Bertie Blackman - Byrds Of Prey Liena - Go Crazy Jessica Mauboy - Been Waiting Mandy Kane - 25 Seconds Ricki Lee - Don't Miss You Samantha Jade - Secret Lisa Mitchell - Coin Laundry @m8er - Kill That Bitch TV ROCK ft Rudy - In The Air Kylie - Chiggy Wiggy Evermore - Hey Boys And Girls (Truth Of The World) Lenka - The Show Natalie Imbruglia - Want Bluejuice - Broken Leg Bag Raiders - Shooting Stars Sneaky Sound System - I Will Be Here The Vanish - Heartbeat Nikki Webster - Devilicious
This is such a tough category. I think the ARIA voters actually did a pretty good job - with the obvious exception of forgetting "Small Town Girl", which is one of my favourite Australian singles of all time. I also think Jessica Mauboy was hard done by seeing as she is the only local artist regularly scoring top ten hits and has delivered a couple of top notch singles in the form of "Burn" and "Been Waiting". Zoë Badwi's massive club hit "Release Me" deserved some recognition, while Bag Raiders' breakthrough single is a true thing of a beauty. Another glaring omission is Lisa Mitchell's "Coin Laundry", which remains one of 2009's quirkiest pop songs. With any luck Vanessa's amazing pop anthem (currently #1 on iTunes!) will get a nod next year.
BEST FEMALE ARTIST
Sarah Blasko - As Day Follows Night Ladyhawke - Ladyhawke Jessica Mauboy - Been Waiting Kate Miller-Heidke - Curiouser Lisa Mitchell - Wonder
With the exception of Sarah Blasko, this is pretty spot on. I used to hate Kate Miller-Heidke but "The Last Day On Earth" has made me a late convert and Lisa Mitchell's album is as beautiful as it is odd. Both Ladyhawke and Jessica Mauboy both featured heavily in my best of 2008 countdown, so it's nice to see them getting some props.
There should be legislation in place to ensure Kylie is nominated every year even when she doesn't release anything. On a more serious note, I think Shelley Harland and Bertie Blackman were robbed and Lenka should get some sort of recognition for her international success. As should Samantha Jade, who continues to proudly fly the flag in LA (despite never having had a hit!) and even appears as a featured vocalist (on an iTunes bonus track) on David Guetta's smash hit album. $ucce$$!!!
BEST MALE ARTIST
Paul Dempsey - Everything Is True Bob Evans - Goodnight, Bull Creek Daniel Merriweather - Love And War Josh Pyke - Chimney's Afire CW Stoneking - Jungle Blue
Now this is completely fucking dire. I guess Daniel deserves some recognition for selling records in the UK but apart from being a hot piece he doesn't do much for me. No comment about the other nobodies.
OTHER SUGGESTIONS
Andy Bull Brecik Jason Singh
Poor Andy Bull. Are you cunts telling me he doesn't have more to offer than Josh Pyke, Bob Evans and Paul Dempsey? I don't even know who C.W. Stoneking is and I really don't want to! The pickings for this category are pretty slim but I would have thrown a nomination Brecik's way for shits and giggles, while Jason Singh sounded pretty good on Todd Watson's "World As You Know It". Where's John Farnham when you need him?
BEST GROUP
AC/DC The Drones Empire Of The Sun Eskimo Joe Hilltop Hoods
This line up represents everything wrong about the Australian music scene. Fingers crossed that sanity prevails and Empire Of The Sun win.
MY PICKS
Empire Of The Sun Bag Raiders The Temper Trap RAEN Dash & Will The Vanish
With Australian electro currently making waves around the globe, it seems appropriate that some of our best proponents of that genre (such as Bag Raiders and The Vanish) get some recognition. The Temper Trap should get a nod for the brilliance of "Sweet Disposition" alone. As for the other nominees, I think Dash & Will are the unsung heroes of 2009. They have released an amazing album and a string of great singles and noone seems to give a shit. I just hope they hurry up and release "Too Young Too Dumb" and finally achieve the commerical success they so richly deserve. Oh and RAEN should get something for carrying on in the face of constant failure.
BREAKTHROUGH ARTIST - SINGLE
Art Vs Science - Art Vs Science Bluejuice - Broken Leg Ladyhawke - My Delirium Jessica Mauboy - Running Back Feat. Flo Rida Lisa Mitchell - Coin Laundry
I love all these songs. Congratulations to the ARIA committee for getting it right.
OTHER WORTHY CONTENDERS
Zoë Badwi - Release Me Bag Raiders - Shooting Stars Liena - Go Crazy @m8er - Kill That Bitch
Dance music is always underappreciated but Australia's new Queen of dance should be applauded for spending 7 weeks at #1 on the club chart. Liena's "Go Crazy" is the closest an Australian will ever get to sounding like Rihanna and probably would have been a massive hit if it got any kind of promotion. The same goes for "Shooting Stars", which I'm pretty confident will get a much better reception in Europe than at home. As for @m8er, well I think she'll have the last laugh. Her album promises to be amazing.
BREAKTHROUGH ARTIST - ALBUM
Ladyhawke - Ladyhawke Jessica Mauboy - Been Waiting Lisa Mitchell - Wonder C.W. Stoneking - Jungle Blues The Temper Trap - Conditions
Who the hell is C.W. Stoneking and how can it be a breakthrough album if NOONE has ever heard of him? The rest of the choices are pretty spot on.
THESE POOR BITCHES WERE ROBBED
Andy Bull - We're Too Young Shelley Harland - Red Leaf Dash & Will - Up In Something
I know I sound like a broken record but these are three of my favourite albums of 2009. Andy captures the spirit of 70s soul in a way that Daniel Merriweather could only dream of and has pretty much come up with the soundtrack to (what remains of) my youth! Shelley's opus has provided me with so much comfort and joy this year. Her music is raw, honest and beautiful. "Panic To Control" is my new personal mantra, while I sent "Clouds Disappear" to a special someone because it said everything I was feeling but couldn't express in words. I've ranted enough about Dash & Will but it really is a great album. "Fighting Over Nothing", "Save Me" and "Some Like It Hot" are homegrown guitar pop at its finest.
I thought I'd finish up with a category of my own. I find it hard to define "pop trash" but all these amazing anthems convey the essence of this website. Amy because of her utter desperation and sleazy lyrics. Nikki because she's a child star turned FHM glamour model. @m8er because she doesn't give a shit. Kylie for having a sense of humour. And finally Samantha Jade for dressing like a porn star and spending her video clip (below) trying to turn an arrested homosexual. Respect ladies!
Linda Sundblad's stunning new anthem has been all over the web for the past couple of weeks with good reason. "To All My Girls" is the kind of edgy yet relentlessly catchy Swedish pop music that Robyn used to make before she turned into a "serious artiste" and started churning out shit like this. I've had a soft spot for Linda since the glory days of Lambretta (does anyone else remember the band's floptastic attempt to crack Australia in 2002 with "Bimbo"?) but I was underwhelmed by her debut solo album. It was a little too cool for its own good - something she has definitely rectified with her latest release. As much as I love "To All My Girls", I think I'm even more obsessed with the film clip than the song. Despite the diva's eerie and unsettling resemblance to Portia De Rossi, this is a cinematic masterpiece. The 90s choreography puts MC Hammer to shame, Linda manages to dance without wearing a top (or bra for that matter) and somehow rocks a pair of American flag boxing shorts and leopard skin print poo catchers. Respect! With Agnes and Medina currently flying the Scandipop flag in Australia, surely it's only a matter of time before someone snaps up this hot bitch?
I firmly believe "Sexual Feeling" is the litmus test that distinguishes true Toy Soldiers from casual fans. If La Toya's 1990 cult classic makes you want to give the nearest tranny a chest to chest or throws you into a big back door shaking frenzy - chances are you officially feel the joy of Toy! As far as I'm concerned the track ranks as one of the finest achievements of 20th century pop music. Everything about "Sexual Feeling" is utterly epic and jaw droppingly trashtastic. I don't even know where to start. After all, this is a song that tastefully combines minutes of erotic groaning, legendary lines like "get it wet" and "come inside my walls", La Toya rapping as well as Japanese and Italian lyrics! A lot of the credit has to go to Claudio and Franco Donato, who spent most of the 80s at the forefront of Italo-disco until working with Toy Toy killed their respective careers. The production is like a time capsule of late 80s influences. There are touches of house, spashes of Italo disco and a strong under current of hip hop. It shouldn't work - and many would argue that it doesn't - but I find the combination utterly irresistible.
"Sexual Feeling" is also poignant because it represents the moment that La Toya threw in the towel as far as trying to be a credible pop star and became the tragic puppet of her abusive and demented ex-husband Jack Gordon. I have no doubt Jack actually believed this deliciously dirty slice of pop porn would rocket La Toya to superstardom. And in his defence, if anyone else had recorded "Sexual Feeling" it probably would have been a #1 hit on shock value alone. Particularly when you consider the fact that the song pre-dates Madonna's hypersexual "Erotica" era and Janet's super sleazy self-titled 1993 album. Speaking of La Toya's boring sister, Janet clearly ripped of "Sexual Feeling" on her 1994 single "Throb" - proving once and for all that Toy not only got the looks but also the talent! As a special treat, I've included the song's eye popping fan made video. It's already been removed from youtube for being soft porn so get in quick. Believe me, you will need a tissue at the ready! However, please note that the video version is an edit. For the full "Sexual Feeling" experience check out the five and a half minute version. Mi piace!
EDIT: It was fun while it lasted but my lovely video was removed for violating Youtube regulations. I might post it on my Facebook instead!
What is it about 2009? It seems like every middle aged cougar with an 80s hit to her credit is crawling out of the woodwork - and I can't get enough of it! Joining the ranks of Haywoode, Stacey Q and Bananarama on the comeback trail are two of the greatest female vocalists ever to flash their tits for free publicity. Believe it or not but Samantha Fox and Sabrina Salerno are coming out of retirement to wow aging homosexuals with a stunning cover of Blondie's "Call Me"! I'm positively beside myself. The idea of bringing together the legends that sang "Touch Me" and "Boys (Summertime Love)" is truly inspired. Old perverts and SAW fanatics will be in 7th heaven - not to mention MAGs and Sam's army of lesbian followers. This could be the marketing coup of the decade! I love what the top heavy lovelies have done with "Call Me". It's directed straight at the Hi-NRG dance crowd (you can hear a clip of this below) and showcases the amazing vocal ability of both icons. I just hope the duet is given a fighting chance with proper promotion and label support. There's still a lot of love for these ladies and the pop scene is definitely a brighter place with them in it. By the way - don't they look amazing? Madonna must be spitting chips.
EDIT: The clip has been removed. Whoops! However, check out this classy TV interview instead. It is in Italian but the luscious ladies sing a little of the tune at around the 1 minute mark. Fabulous.
A couple of days ago I wrote a flashback post about Young Talent Time's Natalie Miller. Since then I've spent a lot of time watching old clips on Youtube and stumbled across one of the show's finest moments. Watch in awe as Natalie belts out an amazing rendition of Limahl's "Neverending Story", while riding a magic carpet around Australia with Dannii (and Greg) in tow. This shit is almost too fabulous for words. Natalie's performance is adorable and the zero budget special effects will leave you stunned and amazed. However, it's left to Dannii to steal the show. Her finger point at 0:25 minutes cracks me up every time and the bored look on her face is priceless. She should have been grateful. If nothing else, taking a back seat to Natalie for a couple of minutes stood her in good stead for spending the rest of her career in Kylie's shadow. Enjoy one of the true highlights of Australian television!
